A word on attitude

[sf17k]

I see a lot of people expressing frustration in less than constructive ways, so I thought I'd share how I deal with emotions, both my own and other people's. If there's any game community willing to read my long-*** rambling posts about attitude, it's gotta be this one. Besides, a good attitude is a skill you can use in life. If nothing else, it gets you laid.

* * *

It's understandable to get frustrated when things don't go the way we wanted. We all like PR and want to enjoy it at its best, with coordination and teamwork and everyone working toward a common goal. This is especially true if we have a life outside the game and can't wait all day for a good round with good teams.

But there are trolls, there are noobs, and there are spammers. Frustrating. When they show up, it's tempting to start blaming them for ruining your experience. I'm guilty of it myself. But I know that blaming others does far more harm than good.

Here's why. Blame becomes anger, which leads to disrespect. Insults and judgments like "stupid", "bad", "sucks", and their more subtle varieties all contribute literally zero useful information. Even if someone were to take them as genuine feedback, you haven't told them what they did wrong or how they could improve upon it, so there's nothing they can do to change (that they don't already know about). You may know exactly what you're talking about, but others can't read your mind. So if your goal is to provide feedback, using insults does not accomplish it. It does accomplish agitating people and escalating frustration, though.

Sometimes the intent of an insult is not to provide feedback, merely to voice one's own frustration. I suggest saying "I'm frustrated" instead. It's a lot more honest than blaming others for how you feel. You, and only you, are responsible for your feelings. Of course this applies to others as well, so you can insult them on the basis that how they feel about being insulted is not your problem. That's true! Just know that your strength of character is measured by how much shit you can deal with, and how gracefully you can deal with it, not how right you are.

So when you feel frustration, take a moment to sympathize with yourself. Yes, most people would feel the same way in this situation. Yes, the behavior of the teamkilling trolls and inept noobs is unhelpful to the team. Let the feelings flow through you. Unless it's anger. Anger only happens when you blame others. Stop blaming and get in touch with the frustration underneath the anger. It'll take a moment, and then the feelings will die down, as all feelings do once they're recognized. Dealing with your feelings like this is one of the most useful life skills you can have. Because you'll feel calmer, and then you can think rationally, how can you solve this problem?

Yelling won't solve it. Pointing out the problem won't solve it either. It's tempting to think that because you know what's wrong, others should be able to fix it. Well, creating a solution is at least as difficult as identifying the problem. So don't point out problems. Solve them.

Besides, you often don't know the full situation. APCs get a lot of hate, so let's use them as an example. Maybe it's my general lack of awareness, but I rarely know what my team's APCs are dealing with. Something could be holding them up. Maybe they got intel on enemy AT that they're concerned about. Maybe they're taking care of a different engagement. If I vocally blamed them for losing us the game and later found out they did the best they possibly could in that situation, I would probably feel like a jerk.

Of course, they could be genuinely unskilled. Well, sometimes there's just nothing you can do. PR is a game, and a game has winners and losers. Playing means losing about 50% of the time. If you're not prepared to lose, and lose hard, due to circumstances beyond your control, then you're not prepared to play in the first place.

Blaming teammates is not a solution. What if the enemy armor had long-time veterans who practice constantly? Even if your team's armor is highly skilled, it wouldn't be enough. So they get wiped out or held up. On an asset-heavy map this means your infantry gets wiped as well. It's a brutal, painful defeat you couldn't do anything about. Frustrating. Well, guess what? That's what you signed up for when you clicked "Play".

Don't play merely to win. Play to play your best. Then you can be proud of how you played even if your team loses brutally. Winning and losing don't matter. Having fun matters. Solving problems matters. And respect matters, because you're playing with others and influencing their experience.

Yeah, the experience might suck regardless. And everyone else's attitude might suck as well. The world is full of drama and trolls and this post sure isn't going to change that. SO WHAT? Your actions are yours. Your words are yours. Your attitude is yours. Negativity is contagious, but so is positivity. If you can stay positive in the midst of the storm, you will not only have fun in the game, you will be better at your job, you will make more friends, and you will go far in life.

Take responsibility for your feelings. Let them flow through you, then act calmly. In a bad situation, focus on playing your best. You'll be proud that you did.

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[solidfire93]

great post
GG

[PLODDITHANLEY]

I often say on PR but are we/they having fun in reply to what are squad X doing there?

If the frustration outweighs the fun ALT F4 or get a grip.

[TommyGunn]

The real frustration is when you fight admins and you're actually in right, and they ban you after all

[webb]

tl;dr Don't flame, be calm, only focus on your own mistakes and play your game

You pointed this problem out nicely, good job. Sometimes I just keep forgetting these common rules.

"strength of character is measured by how much shit you can deal with, and how gracefully you can deal with it"
Well said.

[W.Darwin]

The real frustration is when you fight admins and you're actually in right, and they ban you after all

You pinch where it hurts.

That is one of the major point I brought with the thread ''The price of eyes''.
And also the reason i'm banned of a quite active server.

Admins provide 50% of the game experience quality!

[sf17k]

Admins are in a position where they have to make quick decisions without complete information. Plus it's not like they go to admin school and get an admin license to teach them how to behave. They're just normal people like everyone else, with some extra power. That means they all have their own quirks.

Considering we get to play on their servers for free, I think it's reasonable to communicate with admins politely even when they're doing outrageous things. Maybe if they didn't get shit on all the time (justified or not) they'd be nicer to us in return. A small gesture of kindness can make a big difference and cause them to reconsider their behavior.

Don't fight them. Learn to communicate by making polite requests, not commands or demands. A request is something the other person feels they can freely turn down. Even when you're SL or commander, you should give orders via requests, backed up by reasoning. They're more likely to be followed.

"Could you do so-and-so for me?"
"Much appreciated."

And if you're arguing over who's right, just give it up because it doesn't matter.

A caveat when making requests is to avoid negative language, meaning avoid use of "not" and "don't". Instead of saying "don't shoot", say "hold your fire". Instead of "don't go that way", say "avoid that area" or "go back". Instead of "stop arguing", say "keep it civil" or "keep comms relevant".

There are two reasons. One is the subconscious mind has a hard time processing the word "not". So "don't do that" is like a subliminal suggestion to "do that", especially if someone's super focused on something else. The second reason is, if you want to change a behavior, you have to replace it with something else. For example, admins kick people because they're trying to keep the server clean. If you tell them not to kick people, how are they gonna keep the server clean? Until you offer a better alternative, they're not going to listen to you. Always offer a solution.

"Could you please warn before kicking?" <- This is a positively-worded, solution-oriented request.
"If you want to teamkill, I'd appreciate if you started a local coop server."
"If we leave the flag, I'm afraid the enemy will cap it behind us. Can we stay here and defend?"
"I know you guys want to talk sports over mumble, I just want to hear callouts too. Can you wait until we finish this engagement?"

Tone of voice is important too, so it helps to actually sympathize with the people you're talking to. But ignoring tone, do any of those examples trigger a strong emotional response? No, because I'm making a polite request backed up by reasoning, and respecting your freedom to turn it down. Compare:

"Admin abuse."
"Stop TKing."
"Defend the point!"
"Shut up."

Yeah, it's more concise, easier to think of, and to say. That's what makes it so difficult to get away from. And among a group of people who already know and respect each other, they might talk this way just because it's shorter. That works if you already have rapport. Just remember to use the respectful "long form" whenever things get tense or if you don't have rapport with the person.

You can use all this on the forum, as well.

Sometimes I just keep forgetting these common rules.

Me too. We all need a reminder once in a while.

[mat552]

The real frustration is when you fight admins and you're actually in right, and they ban you after all

Here's a hint when dealing with people in high school/college who are also admins in video games, 80%+ of PR's corps.

You are never right.

They are always right.

Use those two tips and you'll never have a problem. If you have a problem, unbind your chat keys.

[Scubbo]

notting fckn rong wit my fckn a'tude mate. WANNABAN?

[W.Darwin]

Sf17k, I don't wanna be rude but. Your post was full of non-sense ****.

This mental dissertation you made would be appropriated for children/preteen.

Is this what PR has become?

The goal is not to adapt to stuborn admins. The goal is to get mature admin! COME ON

(That's why we need an Official PR Server! With admins that are picked with concerns! Creating the model of excellence on what a PR server should be, and with the same strike, increasing the standards of overall servers )

[RAWSwampFox]

Good Evening,

I'm usually anti-admin. My reasoning is that they are self-serving for the most part. They usually take the word of their "friend" or "experienced player" over the word of anyone else. Of course, you have those types of players whose sole mission in life is to constantly challenge authority. Those who hang on to this type of philosophy usually wind up with a record of some kind, criminal or job related and also contribute to the majority of the bar room brawls.

Oh well, such is the gamers life.

[Rabbit]

[sf17k]

W.Darwin, PR is free. There's no money to hire professional full-time admins. Unless it's a private server that requires a monthly subscription to play. (Hmm, maybe not a bad idea...)

[communistman]

Sf17k, I don't wanna be rude but. Your post was full of non-sense ****.

This mental dissertation you made would be appropriated for children/preteen.

Is this what PR has become?

I think Sf17k's point is that exercising tact will always make it easier to work with other humans. And the words you choose actually do affect how people react to you. I try to tell this to the frustrated commanders, who complain that squad x won't do this and squad y isn't complying with him. But you can't just step into the leadership slot and expect full and sudden compliance from a bunch of strangers online. You either use language and tact to your advantage--gaining compliance by connecting with other players as people, or you can force yourself onto the team and let frustrations fly when they don't conform to your every silly bidding. The same concept can be applied to every role in the game that requires teamwork and communication.

[W.Darwin]

Respect should be universal.


Yet, admins should not receive specials treatments.
I perceived his post as somekind of directed exclusive
behavior in regards of the ones who can ban. (rofl)

Without being a ''professionnal'' admin,
it is possible to be a professionnal human being in relations,
And for free!

All one requires is patience and listening. And I know some of the folks playing PR are very naturally mature.





...

[Tiger1]

Get the job done. Work as a team. Stick with your squad. And kill the enemy.

[Moe5512]

While I appreciate the time you took to write this text, Yoda managed to say the exact same thing with far less words

[RAWSwampFox]

Good Evening,

I have often thought about gamer psychology. It is so easy to hide behind a nickname and a keyboard to push your personal agendas of discrimination. Some people get so upset when I go off about people using the word retard or autistic because in my humble opinion, these are demeaning and discriminatory terms.

The players that are normally in my squad when I squad lead are older guys that have a bit of respect for others and/or restraint when it comes to their verbal jibes in game.

You want to talk about the amount of bullying that goes on, it is extraordinary and outstanding. While most of it is casually dismissed as competitive trash talk, it can become very hurtful to the community as a whole. Look at the basic amount of heat a new player takes when he asks a simple question in game. Even I at times go after them a bit because it is distracting to gameplay to provide 24/7 helpdesk support.

I mean, look at some of the responses in this thread, while some may take no offense to some of the terms used, others take great offense.

I understand the basic premise that the op set forth and some of the followups. Saying thank you and your welcome goes a long way. I wonder if anyone is even willing to consider privately or publicly, changes in their behavior?

[W.Darwin]

it can become very hurtful to the community as a whole.

You get a point here.
When it becomes a normality to insult peoples and have a nasty attitude toward each other,
the overall atmosphere of the collective experience is affected for the worst.
People might tend to care less about each other,
and some who usually have good temper
might be influenced to hate and troll.

[bigbossmatt]

Great post. I think you nailed the Stoic attitude (whether you know what that is philosophically or not) when you said (and I'm paraphrasing):

You are responsible for your feelings. No one can make you feel upset about a situation; you have to do that to yourself. A shit situation can appear but that doesn't imply we feel upset about it, what does imply that we feel shit about it is when we had the assumption that this situation wasn't going to happen (or possibly happen) when we entered into the game.

same is true in life and especially on the roads with traffic.