Most incomptetent squad stories

[ralfidude]

I remember a long time ago a similar thread arose and got some pretty funny responses. I was curious to hear other peoples stories about the most incompetent squads you have ever led, followed, or broken into tears about.


I just played a match where my team advanced to take over a flag, which was being capped by a bunch of hooligans in a building. Instead of getting capped by going up the staircase i wanted to do a rooftop infiltration on it. The following was a paraphrase of the conversation that went on, me as SL and another guy in my squad as engineer.

Me: Hey, ur engineer right?

Engineer: Yeah

Me: Ok cool listen i want to get on top of them from the rooftop and cap them from behind, can u press 9 and tell me if u have a rope or not, i forget on this map.

Engineer: Sure, one sec

Me: Ok... (3 seconds later) U got one?

Engineer: Yup!

Me: Awesome! Ok come to my position next to me i have the move marker where i want u to throw it.

Engineer: Allright coming to u now.

(He stands behind me)


Me: Ok just throw it up there and il go first incase there guarding it.

Engineer: Ok.......

Me:.....


(5 seconds pass)


Me: Whats the hold up?

Engineer: How do you use this thing again?

Me: Sigh.... ok u just look up and press left trigger and it should....



I turn around to see him holding a mine....


O_o

[Panzar]

Haha thats funny, once my when i was on qwai in a nanjing, a stryker attacked us and kill everyone in the nanjing except me in the backseat...i was like..dont move...DONT MOVE My squad then proceeded to go sniper/spec ops and solo t98's

[Solid Knight]

I know, what kind of squad leader doesn't know what a grappling hook is?

[Airsoft]

Entered a round. Squad leader was sounded like a 12 year old (high pitched voice) and a mic that was too loud ingame. NO problem I thought, not all 12 year olds are n00bs as the stereotype goes. Spawn at main, grap a command truck.... then he flips it (screaming in the mic and blaming it on a bump in the road) so we go back to main and take a humvee. The guy liked to yell a lot at the squad members for doings simply saying the "go go go" button.

Then we got out search for the cache, and told the medic to stay in the 50 cal. I got ambushed by molotov. Medic kept asking for to revive me but the sl in his annoying voice kept yelling at the medic to stay in the humvee (note no rally point set)

Ended up entire squad died and nowhere to spawn back at main, but i had enough and went to a different server.

[Blakeman]

I knew I was in trouble before the round started on Muttrah...

Me - "Hey guys, need a medic and a LAT at the start, the rest of you guys get rifleman or engineer, your pick."

Guy 1 - "I've got medic."

Guy 2 - "I've got LAT."

Guy 3 - "I'll get marksman."

Me - "Guy 3 we don't need marksman, just stick with rifleman or engineer at first please. We are going to hop into the same huey that is going to take us to docks."

Most of them "Roger" or "Ok"

We then spawn in, half the squad is below decks, then I see Guy 3 climbing up the ladder in a ghillie suit.

Me - "Hey Guy 3, we don't need the sniper kit."

Guy 3 - "It was available, so I took it."

Me - "Whatever just get on this huey." I jump on a huey as do most of the rest of the squad.

I then see Guy 3 run in front of the huey headed for a littlebird, where LAT guy suddenly jumps out of the huey too and heads for the same one.

Me - "Guys what are you doing, get back in the huey its about to take off."

LAT guy - "Oh sorry, thought we were switching birds." He comes back.

Sniper - "This littlebird is going to take me on top of one of the cranes, I will observe for you."

At this point I'm pretty pissed at sniper guy.

Me - "Fine, but make sure you tell us what is coming." His LB takes off, our huey does soon after and lands us north of the crates north of the warehouses. We disembark and I tell them to head east so we can take cover in the cargo box lines. I look up to see the sniper being put in a crane by the littlebird. The littlebird takes fire suddenly and crashes, but the sniper has already jumped onto the crane.

Me - "Sniper guy what was it that shot you down?"

No answer. Meanwhile LAT guy has gone west by himself.

Me - "LAT guy where are you going?"

LAT guy - "I'm gonna set up and ambush for a Vodnic."

Me - "We need everyone to move together so we can cap this flag."

LAT guy - "I'll be back in a sec."

All of a sudden I and most of the squad were run down by a Vodnic.

Sniper guy - "Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle"

Me - "Sniper guy watch out for that Vodnic in the area."

Sniper guy - "That sh!# was funny, you guys got owned, I'm getting all the kills."

Me - "Next time you want to be super sniper, stay out of my squad."

Sniper guy - "Dont be such a..."

Sniper guy has been kicked from your squad.

LAT guy - "Hey where did Sniper guy go, he is my frien...."

LAT guy has been kicked from your squad.

Needless to say I tolerate only so much BS from a squad before I start kicking them. For all their 'uber' sniper and LAT madness they got 16 and 17th place on the end of round list, whereas my (reformed) squad stacked the top 6.

Public servers aren't always that bad, but sometimes the morons come in droves.

[ralfidude]

haahhahaahah

Ahh the power of the kick button

If not for that, we would be one very sad bunch.




Another thing that ticks me off is the effectivness of squads, or lack there of.

I remember playing with a very good squad that went ahead and capped alot of good stuff by ourselves, but it appeared that the other 3-4 squads kept sitting in one spot not advancing much and losing all the flags that WE took.

After much angry texting from our our squad to other squads to move in and secure the flags, they kept responding that they were being cornered by vodniks and squads, and couldnt move up.

I suggested to use smoke and light AT, i mean my squad moved on FOOT from one side of the island to the other by ourselves taking out 2 squads on the way with minimal casualties and they couldnt handle a couple of guys when it was two full squads in the same area....

I got switched automatically from teh US team to the Chinese at that point, and heres the kicker, the 3 squads on the US team were being fired upon by one squad.... one vodnik... about 500 meters away...

O_o


Swapped back to US to my squad, and we went in there took those guys out, took over the flag, and ran back to the chinese main to win the game.

Still.. some idiot squad that sat in one place got the best ranked squad at the end of it all.

Thats when i opened a bottle of Disarono for the rest of the night.

[cyberzomby]

Awesome story's of sadness!

Now Ralfi sometimes its hard to get your squad out of an area that is under heavy attack! I remember a game on muttrah where half my squad was in the city and me and the other 2 guys got pinned by a sniper and some infantry. We couldnt get out of there. We took some of there guys out, they took us out, respawned etc. etc.

LAT wasnt available all the time for a stray vodnik that came by. All sorts of bogus!

[Noobofthenight]

Wow, Blakeman you are a tolerant guy, if I told people in my squad to get specific kits, and they do not, I just tell them they are not wanted in my squad, because I only accept those able to follow orders!

Especially by the point he requested the sniper kit!!

What is the fixation with that kit man?

[Blakeman]

Wow, Blakeman you are a tolerant guy, if I told people in my squad to get specific kits, and they do not, I just tell them they are not wanted in my squad, because I only accept those able to follow orders!

Especially by the point he requested the sniper kit!!

What is the fixation with that kit man?

Bud, I don't even know why folks think that the sniper kit is good for running and gunning, I truly wish it wasn't in game since at least the marksman kit has some use in fast infantry movements.

That story was from when I started playing PR again at the beginning of 0.8, I'm a bit less tolerant of the BS now and tell folks upfront that if they don't like it they can get lost. More than one time though I have still gotten the lone loser who joins my squad, requests the sniper kit, then calls me a whiner or a baby if I tell him what for.

Replace the sniper kit with a heavier machine gunner or something else and I for one wouldn't be upset.

[General Dragosh]

I wouldnt call this SUPER incompitent but WTH

Me: Repairing a tank, like 20 seconds or so(i play allmost allways Engie)

SL:Then he suddenly sais "Hey engie go fix that tank..."

Me: "Im allready doing it for a while -_-"

SL: "Ah ok, didnt see that"

And this kind of situations happen a lot

Im always sent somewhere to repair something although "Im" allready doing it...

[gazzthompson]

Bud, I don't even know why folks think that the sniper kit is good for running and gunning, I truly wish it wasn't in game since at least the marksman kit has some use in fast infantry movements.

hahah yea i pretty much kick instantly if people request sniper kit in my squad now.


my incompetent squad story:

talking to squad about what we doing, kits ect we spawn and we all go for Humvees. guy request sniper kit, and i kick him instantly... good times

[Sir.Grossi]

Im always sent somewhere to repair something although "Im" allready doing it...

Did you tell SL what you were doing before you did it?

Too many incompetent moments for me to list, but a few of the recurring
ones.

1. Me: Becareful of that mine I have just put down at entrance
(Usually marked, VOIP and additional typed warning in Team Chat)
.
.
.
Boom! TK!

2. ME: DON'T go around the corner there is a .50 looking directly at us!
Curiosity ALWAYS gets the better of at least one SM

3. ME: STAY in the CAP ZONE!!!
ME: mmm Why is the flag not moving?
ME:What are you doing over there?
SM: I am doing this..that or the other etc etc.

[General Dragosh]

Did you tell SL what you were doing before you did it?

No

1. Me: Becareful of that mine I have just put down at entrance(Usually marked, VOIP and additional typed warning in Team Chat)
.
.
.
Boom! TK!

Thats just too funny happens to me a lot...

2. ME: DON'T go around the corner there is a .50 looking directly at us!
Curiosity ALWAYS gets the better of at least one SM

Thats the most funnyest moment in PR, after u tell him that theres a .50 cal looking at the corner, then the following moment is just hillarious...your guy just peeks arround the corner and...splatter xD

3. ME: STAY in the CAP ZONE!!!
ME: mmm Why is the flag not moving?
ME:What are you doing over there?
SM: I am doing this..that or the other etc etc.

Oh god

[Gore]

Moving along together in a vehicle, something happens, obviously not the SL's fault, he gets the TKs and "you were punished for a teamkill!"

There's millions of ******** out there, many of them reading this as well.
Wink wink, you're a fool.

[akatabrask]

Yeah, a couple of month ago on EJOD I was in this team and squad, and couldn't just believe my eyes - EVERYONE did the most foolish mistakes all the time.
For example: first in the beginning of the round we capped the southeastern flag (we were us) and we sit there, building stuff and waiting to move on, it were we and two full squads too.
I was the squads medic so i sat on the roof of the two story building in the center keeping look out for enemys. Suddenly I took some fire so I informed the squad and moved down from the roof keeping myself guarding the stairs up to the second floor room as we had our rally there and prooving some medical aid.
For some reason those MEC guys must have been really good because all i could see was these red circles with the flash popping up everywhere (must have been 14-16, seriously), and all i heard was the fb going down and people just yelling at me to get the f*ck out there and help them. No way, as I was bound to get killed. So the squad respawns on our rally and without fear just rushing out of the building and get shot down pretty much at ones, so i try to revive the sl who died just outside the door. I revive him and tell him to follow me back into the building so i can heal him up.
Does he follow me? No way, he keeps crawling down the stairs telling me to get there and heal him. And as I had to follow his orders I get out there heal him and a grenade kills us both. Then our rally falls. Major facepalm.

Then we all regroup at the main, the sl grabs a truck and everybody gets in. Then he tries to dive back there but gets stuck in a wall and get taken out by the enemies apc. Major face palm again.

Then, as that was our last mean of transportation we move out to defend gas station...on foot, together with some seven blue guys, whilst being horrased by some vodniks cruising around there.

When we get to gas we notice two blue guys building a fb allthough none in the squad tries to help them but run away towards the flag and get shot down emediately...and no rp. So i take cover behind som sand dunes giving medical aid to various people showing up who then rushed out to get shot.
Needless to say MEC won bigtime and had some 300 tickets left.

[Matrox]

generally any squad with me as Sl will fail.

SM: SL don't you think we should set up an Rp?
Me: pffft, Rp's are for noobs, just keep hitting that tank with .50 cal fire, its gotta die soon.

Or any squad with the title "Recon" "Epic Recon" "RGG EPIC" or "Dev EPIC" is normally full of fun and frolics!

[ralfidude]

Another incompetent story last night was something like this;

I tell my squad not to fire unless fired upon to go absolutely unnoticed, we get about 3/4th of the way that i wanted to get to and all of a sudden my saw gunner opens up...

Thinking were being spotted i ask what and where, after being informed that there was a guy that saw us and was look straight at us, i checked it out...

"Dude.... thats one of ours"

It had to be the saw gun... i wouldnt have minded one shot from a rifleman but everybody sees the tracers from that saw like its x-mas.

Isnt it easier to first confirm? Especially if u dont have a scope?


(By the way, helpful tip 107. If u have the saw gun, and take it out for the first time, instead of waiting for the animation to finish, quickly switch it to the deployed mode, and it takes a second for that animation to finish, and ur ready to shoot! I always walk around in the deployed mode anyway)